What is happiness?

Its a question I keep asking myself over and over again, what is happiness? and I really can't put my finger on it. I've struggled for so long to just be happy and content with life, time and time again I seem to think I'm alright and then BOOM! I decide I need something else. I just don't get it anymore.

One example of this is my pursuit of a Relationship. Some might call me unmanly but  my biggest fear in life is to die alone, never to have loved or been loved by that one person in life who meant the most to me. Day in day out I struggle to see God's plan for my life and what he has in store in terms of a spouse and in terms of love. Usually I'm very insightful in these posts and I try and challenge you my readers with something but today I really don't have anything. I always say that God has a plan and yet I fail to see the plan that he has for my own life. I fear the unknown as I think many people do. Something about the idea that I am not in complete control of my own life scares me in a way, but at the same time it excites me. I still have plenty of this adventure called life left. I guess I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Love

      Love...It's an interesting word isn't it? We use it to describe things we like such as our cars, houses, or even a piece of food. We use it to describe our feelings for one another, "I love you" being the phrase of choice. But how often do we really mean what we say? Love is such a confusing word that even a person with a doctrat in English doesn't fully understand it. Why is this? Why are so many people able to give 10 million different definitions of love but still fail to grasp its true meaning? It is because they do not have a relationship with the giver and provider of true love. As overused as it seems John 3:16 sums it up pretty clear "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Even better than that is the fact that his love is Never! Ever! going to leave us. Marriage is supposed to be for a life time but then you see all kinds of people getting divorced, A relationship with God is for eternity and divorce isn't an option.  Romans 8: 38-39 says "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Now how awesome is that?!?!?! 


      This week has been extremely stressful for me. From learning to interact with a new team of people to struggling with being away from my friends and family for an entire summer. I can honestly say that the only thing that has kept me going through all of this is the love that I find in God. I chose to be away in St. Louis this summer because God loves me and has a plan for my life and I want to follow that plan. I know there are going to be struggles this summer. I know that there are going to be times when I just want to give up and quit. But I also know that I will always have one thing to keep me going, one thing to lift me up when I'm down, one motivation for doing what I do, and that one thing is God's love. If you're reading this it is my prayer that you may bask in the love that God has for you. Live for that love! Eat, sleep, and breathe, For. That. Love. Because I can assure you that there is nothing more fulfilling in this life.

Silence

     What is silence? A dictionary would probably define it as the absence of sound. A basketball player might say it's when they're about to shoot for a winning free throw and everything around them gets drowned out. If you asked me on a day like toady I would probably say that that it does not exist. Between all of the work, relationships, music, movies, cars etc... There is no silence. Even when we sleep many of our bodies are so unused to silence that we need fans to make noise and help us sleep.
      What would you do with a moment of silence? God wants to have a relationship with us, He loves us, he cares for us, he listens to our hearts and our words lifted up in prayer, but do we ever take the time to sit and listen to what he has to say? what he has in store for our lives? Do we ever REALLY leave a moment of silence in our day to just sit and listen to God? More often than not I would say that we don't; even when we take the time to pray. Prayer works kinda like a walkie-talkie, it is a two-way form of communication between you and God, but if you are constantly talking into a walkie-talkie you can't here the person on the other side. It is the same way with God, if we are constantly the ones doing the talking, then how are we ever going to be able to hear what he has to say? It is in our times of silence that we can truly hear God. In my last post I talked about the wait. Part of that wait is allowing yourself to have times of silence, to sit and listen to what God has to say. So turn off the radio, shut off the fan, close the door, heck you can even go use one of the sound proof booths at best buy if thats what you really need. But let's spend some time in silence and listen to God's plan for our lives, and if you are one of those people that can't stand silence then let God be your noise.

The Wait

This week has been very interesting and confusing. I went from being single to being in a relationship to being single again in the period of 5 days. Why all the change? you might ask. Well to be honest I don't really know either. I had grown very close to a person in a very short amount of time and we both agreed that it would be a good for to date, so I asked her parents' permission and then I asked her out. Expectedly she said yes. The next day was busy for both of us so we only hung out in the evening. The following day however is when things started to change. She started feeling overwhelmed by the whole dating aspect and apparently something changed in her that made her not like me any more. In a way I view what happened as an answer to prayer. I had been praying the entire week that if this relationship was not God's will, that he would show me in some way. I guess I just wasn't expecting the way that he chose to show me his will because I am still confused even a day later.

This is where the title of my post comes in. If we had gone through the wait and built up the friendship more before we started "dating" would things have turned out differently? Would it have been worth the wait? To be honest I really don't know the answer to this question. I have always had a struggle in determining God's will when it comes to relationships and now I wonder, would it be worth the wait to just sit and watch God's plan unfold instead of constantly seeking out my own way? I honestly think it would. After all the failures that I've faced when it comes to relationships, I'm ready and willing to take the wait. Now the question comes in, will you? It doesn't have to be about relationships, it could be waiting for finances, waiting for healing, waiting for comfort, or just plain waiting in line, but are you ready to sit back and wait for God's will to unfold in your life.  While I realize the verse is over used  Jeremiah 29:11 pretty much sums it up "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have a hope and a future...Thats something I need to remember as I take the challenge of The Wait and I hope that those of you who take on this challenge with me will as well.